


Hero (You Could Be)

by InesStarkDowney



Series: Growing Up Being Half Me, Half You [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Brother Feels, Brotherhood, Brotherly Affection, Brotherly Love, Gen, Gen or Pre-Slash, Platonic Soulmates, Pre-Canon, Protective Loki (Marvel)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-27
Updated: 2018-05-27
Packaged: 2019-05-14 14:14:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14771219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InesStarkDowney/pseuds/InesStarkDowney
Summary: Loki is studying for his final exam to become a healer (the best healer in all of Asgard and possibly the 9 Realms) while Thor goes on a hunt with his friends. Thor does ask Loki to come, but Loki knows best than to submit himself to the humilation from his brother's friends and besides... He does have to study. Kinda.Only he regrets it later not to go with Thor and protect the damn oaf.





	1. Go (What do you want from me?)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [dragonlands](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dragonlands/gifts).



> One more work that was never supposed to see the light of day, but I do it for El. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy, if you can. 
> 
> Note (again): This is not for Thorki shippers.

Everyone that passed by Prince Loki in those instants knew that he should be left alone, in his own little world, far away from the reality of Asgard. His fingers played a piano piece against the stone of the balcony, as he walked through the open corridor, a book, thick and weary in his free hand and his green eyes glued to the pages, taking in each and every word.

Of course, everyone did not meant Thor that unlike his younger brother ran through the open space as if the sun shining was the one providing the energy that powered the young prince. His blond locks let the wind sweep pass them, till they came to an abrupt stop in front of Thor’s aface as he planted himself in front of Loki, his hands quickly wrapped around Loki’s thin arms.

Bruises would start to take shape very quickly under the tight grip but it was something Loki got used to and something he couldn’t exactly stop from happening. His brother had an immense force, even if he never meant to hurt Loki, he couldn’t help but grip on too tightly.

Loki hissed, not from the physical pain, but from the fact that suddenly a hurricane engulfed him and took him away from the peace and quiet he tried to find for at least a few minutes a day. But with Thor… Loki would call it a remarkable feat to achieve. One that was impossible, apparently.

"Brother! The warriors three, Sif and I are going on a hunt in the royal woods. Come!"

"Why do you need me to come if you are going on a hunt? If I seem to recall, last time, I did a very poor job at it that seemed to have annoyed your so called _friends_ …"

"Oh, please, brother. It doesn’t matter what they think or say! I want you to come with me. Everything is so much more fun with you around."

Loki stared at his brother’s blue eyes, and the yes almost slipped his tongue, if not for the memories of the disdain in the warriors’ eyes every time Thor brought Loki along. He wanted to spend time with Thor as much as he wanted to run away from whatever shined as bright as him. It blinded Loki, it even burnt. Because Thor was something else when alone with Loki, but with them… with them Loki forgot they were supposed to be soulmates.

Loki glanced at his left forefinger, as though he could see the red string attached.

Words of old women meant nothing in their age, much less in Thor’s. So the yes never came, and Loki’s eyes hardened.

"I have an exam tomorrow, remember? It’s the final step for me to become a healer, perhaps the best healer in Asgard, and I won’t let that chance slip away just because you want me to go hunt with you."

"Do you honestly think you need that exam to prove anyone that you are the best healer, Loki?"

Loki held on a little tighter to his book, pulling it against his chest, as if it were the way to keep his beating heart still just at the mere validation of his brother. That yes was on a slip if he wasn’t careful. Loki always had to be careful around Thor or every yes would belong to him.

"Brother, you are the best user of magic in Asgard besides mother and you have been healing me and treating me for years, since you started to pick up the essentials of medicine. You are the heir to the throne and you should not have to prove it to anyone that you are more than capable."

Along his great speech, Thor’s hands moved up to Loki’s shoulders, his face only inches away Loki’s, a bright, big smile plastered onto that face. There it was. The sun. Gods, it burnt.

Loki had to push Thor away and step back, afraid that every breath he tried to take, he would willingly give to Thor, afraid that it was all for Thor.

(Loki knew it was all for Thor.)

Loki shook with rage and looked at Thor as if he was the cold, instead of the warmth, and spit out poison, not sure why, not sure why he was doing this with so much passion, so much rage.

"You seem to forget that I am not you. I am not even close to being you, brother. I can’t just simply walk around like the sun shines for me, at my will, and that everything is as it pleases me, if not, I can bend the rules. I am not the future king of Asgard. I need to be something. If not… If not, my place in this world is for nothing. Not everyone can be you, okay? Try to understand that before you ask me to do things like this."

Loki swallowed back every word he said and crumbled on the inside, tasting it the bitterness in the truth that had been twisted just for…for this. Just for Thor to look at him with sad blue eyes, every ray of sunshine Loki could see in them before, gone, just to have one sad smile lie in those lips. If he could, Loki would hug Thor and cry out that it was all lies. But Loki stood still, as a cold hard stone, and saw his brother talk quietly and vanish.

"You are right, brother. I’m sorry. I’ll leave you to it then."

Loki stayed still looking at the floor in front of him until he heard the sound of horses and looked down onto the patio, where Thor and his friends were mounted, ready to leave. And as they left, Thor looked up and Loki tried not to run away from his eyes.

As they were out of the gates, it dawned on Loki why he was doing what he was doing. It was all for Thor.

_("You are so smart, brother... I hope that once we are older and you are still interested in the healer’s work you can take care of me after I come home from battles and wars."_

_Loki's smile could not get bigger, and his little heart could not burst out of anything but love that moment. Loki nodded in the dark, even if Thor couldn't see it._

_"Yes, I want that, too, brother.")_

It was all for Thor.


	2. Hero (You Could Be)

Loki stayed in the same spot as when he saw Thor left. He sat on top of the edge of the balcony, one leg bent up and the book open. He tried to read it, he did. But every time he started reading the page Loki’s mind drifted over to Thor and the apology he deserved and had to start all over again.

Guilt lied heavy in Loki’s heart, not for not going with Thor, but for talking like that to him. Saying those words, dripped with poison, as if he held that against Thor, not being Thor… not being anything like Thor. It was nonsense. It wasn’t real.

Loki sighed and rubbed his forehead before pulling a strand of loose hair behind his ear and trying to get back to studying, to pass the exam and stand by Thor’s side when he needed Loki. That was all Loki wanted.

Then there was a commotion down in the courtyard. The guards started running towards the gate as it opened, loud voices screaming for “ _Faster_ ” and “ _We need to take him to the healers right now!”._ Loki got up on his two feet and almost lost his balance as he saw Volstagg carrying Thor on his shoulders, unconscious and… blood. _Blood_. There was blood everywhere. And Loki was screaming.

"Fandral! Tell them to get Thor to the infirmary! Now!"

Fandral looked up and nodded, because at least in this they trusted him, they trusted him knowing no one else could ever want to protect Thor like he did. That was all Loki could ever care about at the end. Protecting his older brother.

Loki left the book there, in the sun, as he raced past the concerned looks of the people that lived and worked in the palace, the whispers of horror and concern for their prince. Loki raced, pulling his sleeves up his arms, thinking of everything he knew about healing, what he should do first, and Thor… Thor was going to be okay.

As soon as Thor was put in his bed, Loki stormed into the room, where healers and his parents, the Queen and the Alfather, stood as well. Odin stood at the end of the room, looking over the rushed healers and his wounded son, the pain written all over his face, but with the same hint of coldness only he could carry at all times. Frigga, his mother, though… she held on to Thor’s hand, running fingers through his hair, listening to what the healers had to say. But as her eyes lied on Loki, she focused and said:

"Love, you know what to do better than anyone else. Tell them what to do."

Loki nodded, swallowing down his heart, trying to focus on his task at hand and not how worried he was over his brother. He approached the bed to look at the wound in Thor’s torso. Teeth marks. Deep. Bleeding nonstop and one of them was infected. Something had to be stuck in there to infect the wound. Then he got to work.

"I need Salvia apiana! – The healers stood there. – White Sage, you fools. Make it into a diluted tincture. Two of you go! Not you!"

As the two girls left, the boy, not much older than Loki stayed at his command, a nervous wreck, his hands shaking and Loki knew he never had to deal with treating someone till this point, much less royalty. Loki understood, so he soothed his voice.

"Come on, get in here. I need you to give me your knife, that one in your waist, and while I heat it up, you are going to clean every wound, okay? Except this one. This one has something stuck in it. That’s what is causing the infection.  Do it very carefully."

Loki stepped away and looked at Thor’s pained face, his eyes half shut, but those blue eyes followed him everywhere he moved. It pulled a string inside Loki that made it all harder, because there would be pain, and even though Thor, the mighty, could withstand a lot, it always was a heavy weight to see him in pain.

Breathe in. Breathe out.

Loki swallowed the lump in his throat and turned to Volstagg and Fandral.

"I will need you to hold him down. Now, while the boy is cleaning his wounds. But afterwards, you will have to hold him down with all your strenght. He will scream and try to run."

Both nodded, once again, following Loki’s orders like they were in battle and Loki was Thor ordering them around. They were soldiers after all, but right now, they were friends. And Loki was happy they were his friends or Thor would have never returned home alive.

Both of the warriors got to each side of Thor and held him down by his arms and shoulders, as the young healer cleaned the wounds. Thor barely whimpered, just breathing heavily as he observed Loki by the fire pit, heating up the knife after having it clean. When Loki turned though, those blue eyes looked right into Loki’s just to close at the realization of what would happen.

Loki almost closed his eyes, too, and ran.

Almost.

Loki stood beside Thor and looked at him, trying to be as calm as he could.

"Brother, I will need you to stay still, okay? I need to pull out whatever is in there and it’s gonna hurt, but I have to, for your own good, okay?"

Thor nodded and tried to smile. Even then, he shined despite the pain. Then Loki started cutting through the wound, trying to grasp the object as Thor was screaming in pain. Loki did it as fast as he could, he swore, but whatever it was in there, was big. He started cursing as soon as Thor started begging for him to stop.

Then it was over, the screams stopped, and the tooth (it was a tooth) was out. Loki held the bloody canine in his hand and looked at Thor to see him unconscious. It was normal due to the pain and then the immediate relief of it all. Loki sighed and threw the canine into a bucket on the floor and got up, from when he got down on his knees to take it out.

In that moment, the girls that had gone out to get the white sage came back with the tinctured. They were left looking at him, waiting for his orders. He looked at the boy that had his grey eyes wide enough to think he had seen a ghost.

"You can now clean that wound… I’ll close it, since it has to have stitches and then you can give me the tincture so I can apply it to all wounds."

They all nodded, the boy cleaned the wound and the warriors stepped away, knowing the worse had passed and that their job was done. Loki didn’t tell them to leave, but as he sat in bed next to his brother and he pulled out a needle and thread, they bowed to the King and Queen and left.

The girls put the tincture in the bedside table, bowed together with the boy and left. Not before Loki stopped them and told them:

"Thank you for your help. He’s okay because of you."

The look on the face of the three healers expressed surprised and this new found sympathy for the younger, darker prince. They knew very well that if that hadn’t been there, the older prince would have turned out okay too, because Loki was mad with care.

Their mother stayed, as well as their father. Frigga resumed running her fingers through Thor’s sweaty blond hair, while Odin observed Loki finish the stitches and then apply the tincture onto the wounds.

In now ultimate silence, Loki bandaged Thor’s torso and murmured: "He will be okay. He just needs to rest for a few days. Just to make sure the wound doesn’t infect again."

Odin nodded at that and left. His mother though, looked at him and smiled, caressing his cheek and kissing his forehead.

"Thank you, love. What you did today was… marvellous. All these years studying and trying to treat your brother at the minor wound were worth it. You are going to be an excellent healer… an even more excellent counsellor to your brother. I’m really proud of you. And once Thor wakes up, he will be thankful."

Loki smiled at her and nodded, wanting to believe her words with all his strenght. He wanted to be the best healer in Asgard, to be by his brother’s side when it mattered and even when it didn’t matter, to be trustworthy of him. Just… sometimes he felt he didn’t really made up for the job. There were people maybe more accurate to do it… at least by Thor’s side.

Loki was just Loki. The outcast. The weird one. The mischief maker. The liar.

Thor… Thor was the sun, instead.

Frigga got up and almost got out till she looked back at Loki.

"Are you going back to study for the exam tomorrow?"

"No. I want to stay here."

Frigga didn’t object, didn’t ask why or if Loki was sure. Frigga still looked at her two boys and still thought that they would do everything to stand by each other’s side in the most difficult times, even if they had to give up something for it. Looking at both of them at the time, Thor asleep and Loki sitting beside him, holding his hand, Frigga smiled and left.

Loki kept holding Thor’s hand.


	3. Liability (No More)

Thor woke up groaning in pain, eyes closed shut and a hand thrown over the previous infected wound.

Loki jumped to his feet right away, hovering over his older brother with an alarming worry, taking blond locks out of Thor’s face and settling a hand over his forehead. He was warm. The fever was a normal consequence of the infection but if the fever got up Loki would have to look at the wound again and just cause more pain to his brother.

"Hey, hey, don’t move. You don’t want to open up your stitches, and if you stay still the pain will be considerably less."

"Argh…"

Thor opened his eyes, a hazy uncertain blue looking over his surroundings till he lied them on Loki. Thor breathed in and out, steadying himself and let go of his flesh wound, never once letting Loki out of his sight. Loki smiled lightly and sat back down next to Thor’s bed, as he ran fingers through his hair in an attempt to calm down. Thor was okay.

"You slept for quite a while… 6 hours if I am not mistaken. I don’t think you have ever been out for this long before."

Loki looked tired, that much was obvious to Thor. Loki felt tired. The sun had gone down a while ago, and not even for dinner Loki had left Thor’s side worrying he could wake up and be alone. Apparently, there had been a feast celebrating the fact that Thor was okay. They celebrated over everything, indeed. But in this, so would Loki celebrate with good will.

"Have you been here the whole time?"

"Of course." Blunt as it was, it was if not being with Thor the whole time was blasphemy. In a way it was, for Loki.

Thor smiled half a smile, as if the pain and the haziness in his mind clouded the sun in him. But it didn’t shine less for it, and Loki snorted. Thor thought Loki would go through every length to stand by his side no matter what, as if Thor was everything that mattered. Loki snorted not to give in as weak. But both knew, as brothers, it was what they did.

Loki mindlessly caressed his left forefinger as though he could play with the red string. It was a calming antic when Loki was with too much over his head. The thought that Thor was right on the other side of the string and could somewhat feel him made it all a little better. And in that moment, though they were right next to each other, Thor still felt the tug of the string and lost the half smile.

"It could have been worse… The wound. I don’t know. Maybe the teeth could have gone deeper and puncture something vital. Maybe it could have been other thing other than the teeth, maybe the claws and you would have bleed to death. I don’t know. But things could have gone wrong and…" Loki swallowed, looked down to his clammy hands. "I should have gone with you. I could have seen the Bilgesnipe before you and warn you in time. I could have defect it away from you with magic. I could have done enough for you not to be lying here and instead be celebrating another hunt with your friends."

Thor’s hand was suddenly over Loki’s, squeezing it reassuringly.

"Brother, it happened. If it was meant to happen, it would happen either way. I don’t think even you could have avoided that Bilgesnipe… It was probably one of the bigger ones I have ever seen. Anyway, it’s not your fault. Never think that. Besides, you had to study. You have your exam tomorrow." Thor looked down to Loki’s lap and then around the room looking for the old book Loki had been carrying earlier that day. "Where is your book?"

"Uh, I left it back there once you came back. I think taking care of you is still far more important than studying."

Thor quickly tried to sit up in a hurry only to freeze with the pain and listen Loki curse him for being a reckless oaf. Thor laughed, half in pain, half amused and lied back again. Though when he opened his eyes, the hurry and anxiety was still there.

The mighty Thor could feel anxiety as well.

"Have you studied while I was out?"

"No."

"Loki!"

"Calm down!" Loki laughed and pushed Thor back into the bed. "Calm down, you oaf. Everything is okay. Guess when I was treating your wounds the head of the royal healers came by since he heard the news of you being hurt. He saw the whole thing."

"Are you saying the head of the healers saw me screaming in pain and passing out?"

Both laughed for a short time not to cause much stress on Thor’s wound.

"He didn’t care about that, you know it. Screaming in pain does not negate your strenght. You’re Thor. Nothing about you is weak or puny."

"In your point of view." Thor smiled sweetly and Loki did not try to hide that yes, indeed, he looked at Thor as if he was the best. Not the best of them all but… the best he could be. "Did he say something about the exam tomorrow?"

"Yes. He came by later and told me I didn’t have to do it. Theory doesn’t mean anything after I healed you in the best way I could. He said he knows what I am doing and that he trusts me to be an excellent healer."

Thor was beaming of pride over his little brother. Loki was as happy as him. After all these years wishing to become a healer, reading every book he could get his hands on since he was 4 and trying to get his father to understand his ambition, he did it.

 

_(“You want me to stand by Thor when he gets to the throne, right? Then let me do this. Please. I can’t just be his counsellor, know the rights and laws, the people and what they need in the kingdom. Wouldn’t it be better if I could also be trusted with his health? He would never be under cared for. I would do everything for him.”)_

"I’m really happy for you, brother."

Loki smiled and rested against his chair, observing his older brother and the weary look on his face. Despite being the mighty Thor that boy needed to rest just like any other 19 year old.

"I think this is enough excitement for tonight. You should try to sleep a little bit, while I go to the kitchens and see if I bring you something to eat. You must be starving." 

"Already giving me orders to sleep and rest and you are not even my official healer for a day. Getting cocky already." Thor laughed but he got comfortable under the sheets. Despite everything, he still listened to his brother in these matters… sometimes."

"Let’s be honest, I’ve been your healer for years now. I think I deserve to be a little bit cocky, don’t you think?"

"Yes… You do, brother."

That smile. A smile too soft that was rarely on Thor’s face that was the smile Loki wished never to lose. He had been seeing his brother grow up into being a strong warrior, with tons of friends and girls after him. He was cocky and arrogant most of the times, a part of him turning into something more… rude, perhaps. But there were still times when he was just his brother and that was all that mattered. That was the Thor that mattered at the end of the day.

"Now rest. In an hour I will be back with something for you to eat and if you want I’ll bring your friends. I’m sure you’d like to spend time with them after all that happened. Gods know what they have been telling about today to the young maids. I think you’d like to hear all about how much of a hero you were."

Loki got up with a smile, hinting at sad, tugging the corners of his mouth but quickly Thor got a hold of his wrist. Loki turned with an eyebrow arched, trying to conceal whatever sadness there might have been left in his face to the thought of Thor and his friends and how much he wanted to run away from those moments and the people they became when together.

"Maybe you could stay instead, afterwards. I think it’s my turn to tell you how things really happened and see that I am indeed a hero. Just us."

Loki stayed silent.

Loki always thought Thor hardly knew how to show love anymore, that whatever he considered a show of affection was something completely different from what Loki considered affection. But right then, Loki knew that was a show of affection, very Thor like, but still good enough.

"Very well, but sleep now. I’m serious."

"As you wish, little brother."

Loki snorted and Thor laughed.

He was always good enough.

 


End file.
